Birthdays

Yesterday was my nephews second birthday. 

Due to complicated circumstances I didn't get to see him, but his dad is dropping him off later today. I have a few fun gifts, and a few that mean something and I'm excited to see if he likes them. I think the best one though, is the one I started yesterday, but he won't see it until he's 18. I have been struggling, understandably, with the loss of his momma and aunt. They both loved him so much, and one of my biggest fears is that he won't remember either of them. So a dear mentor of mine gave me the idea to write to him and tell him all about them. And that's what I'm doing. A journal, talking to him, telling him everything I remember about his mom and aunt. I'll tell him how much he is loved and write about all his achievements that would have made her proud. And I'll let him know that we are so blessed to have him and will always be here no matter what happens. I wish she was here for this. She and my mom had planned a farming cake for his birthday, and she would have loved to help him blow out the candles. I bet she would have gotten him some tractors, or some more of that heavy duty farming toy collection she started at Christmas. I wish I could have been with him yesterday, because the day after just isn't the same. But I know I need to just be grateful I get to see him. I go out to moms after work. I'll walk in and hopefully see his adorable little smile. I'll pick him up and hold him tight, and it'll almost feel like I'm embracing his mom, my sister, one of our missing pieces. Then we will open gifts with him, play with his toys, and hold him close, remembering her and thinking the whole time about how proud she would be of the sweet little boy she raised.