I am not in control

I lost a friend this past weekend. He's not dead, but it will be a long time before I hear from him again. He came into my life during a time that I really didn't have anyone. If you had told me years ago I'd be best friends with a boy I wouldn't have believed you. And I hope he never sees this. 

I don't make friends well. I'm not confident at all, and have a hard time approaching people. If you asked me how we became friends I would tell you I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it's just the fact that we bonded over our terrible sense of humor and our mutual hatred for the job we both worked. Not to mention the fact that one of my first memories of him is to this day one of the best sarcastic comebacks I've ever gotten. 

I'm finding myself in a situation where I really need to trust. He is Mormon, and left for a mission, and will be back fall 2024. I've been praying hard for him because I want him to be saved and to see the truth of who Jesus really his, but he is very set in his ways. All I can do is pray for him and trust that God has him in hand and knows what he is doing. It's hard to trust with something as serious as that, but I know that God will do so much better with him then I ever could. He is an expert in the seriousness of life and I most certainly am not. 

I'm finding I have a control issue, and I feel like this is something that I wanted to be in control of. I want the credit. As selfish as that is it's something I wrestle with. And a terrible reason to try to "save" someone. I put that in quotes because I can't save anyone. Jesus just saved me and I'm still learning how to live the way he wants me to. All I can do is pray, hard, keep running towards Jesus and hope that someday in the near future my friend will catch up with me.